David's So Called Life

Screw you Woody Allen..

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 06:51:02 GMT

I am trying to make my movie knowledge as good as my music knowledge.. More like attempting.. I tried to watch "Annie Hall", which I have heard people rave about and heard constant references to. I figured "Why not?!?". It needs to be part of my film knowledge. I could hardly get through it, in fact I didn't. Fuck Woody Allen.... His character was so revolting, trying to sound smart and banging women too attractive.. The funny thing is that it is him when he is kind of young, but he still looks like he smells like old man and has a sagging ass (believe me.. you can tell). His character is obnoxious, it was like fingernails on a chalkboard listening to him speak. Did Diane Keaton in her prime vomit when she had to kiss him? Not that Diane Keaton in her prime was "hot", but she was cute, had a good body, and an extremely good personality. Fuck Woody Allen! I tried to get it, tried.. well Woody Allen did end up banging Mia Farrow and her adopted daughter (when he was even older and even more nasty than he was then).. So maybe there is something that is "beyond" me.. But fuck you Woody Allen, you're a waste of a Netflix order...

Another drunken thought.. What is our generation going to be remembered for musically? We always try to claim "grunge" and the old indie like it is ours, but really it's not.. We were too young when it came out.. Kurt Cobain, Paul Westerberg, Stephen Malkmus, Frank Black, Tori Amos, Kathleen Hanna, Eddie Vedder, PJ Harvey, Michael Stipe, Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon, Bjork, Thom Yorke -- most of them are at least two decades older than we are..They're Generation X, my sisters and brother-in-laws can claim them, but sorry, we can't.. The generation before them had Robert Smith, Iggy, Patti Smith, Lou Reed, Joe Strummer and the Clash, Morrissey, The Ramones, Debbie Harry, Richard Hell, Johnny Thunders, David Byrne, Siouxsie.. and then before them Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, The Byrds, Jimi, Janis, David Bowie, Marc Bolan, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles.. Who the fuck do we have? These before-mentioned people got radio play.. Who gets radio play now? Even college radio can be full of half-talent jackasses who some dipshit hipster will pick up and think it is cool just because it is "obscure".. Will we be remembered for The National, Sufjan Stevens, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Cat Power, Devendra Banhart, Iron and Wine, Andrew Bird, Ryan Adams? I doubt it, because otherwise it will be Beyonce, Britney Spears, Kanye West, Fergie, the Spice Girls, Justin Timberlake, and various other excrement I sharted out the other day.

Dancin' in the Tornado

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 02:50:59 GMT

I graduated magna cum laude from college, but sometimes I admit that I'm a little lacking in the common sense department.

When you're raised in the Southeast, thunder storms aren't scary; they lull you to sleep while the rain patters against your window, and lightning illuminates the sky showing the primal beauty that only nature can possess. The whole danger of them even adds to their appeal.

So, it was a regular night of Assley and I watching movies. Then, the tornado alarm blares on. We check the news, and it gives us about 15 minutes before the storm hits Bellevue. So we devise a brilliant plan to use this window of opportunity to get one last smoke while we still can and admire the coming storm for a little while. I leave the back door open, so we can get back in. The "calm before the storm" quickly turns into a raging storm and the tornado siren blares even louder, so we decide it's about time to go inside. But, alas, the wind blew the door shut and it was locked from the inside. The "oh shit" moment was accentuated as I immediately start to feel hail pummel my head. Assley desperately tried to break in through the window screen, but the window was locked. We try one neighbor, but they don't answer. So here we are, stuck in a tornado storm, locked outside of the house. Fortunately, another neighbor lets us in and I felt like the biggest idiot in the world as he said to his mom the phone, "My neighbors are here. They locked themselves out, when they went out in the storm to look at it".

While we were running around in the storm, the tornado (which the news referred to as the worst in our area in seventy years) was spotted a few miles away from us, destroyed houses in nearby communities and blocked up the interstate.

That's what I call "dumb luck". Or "dumb" and "luck" in the separate sense

Bowling Green

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 17:37:54 GMT

This is Bowling Green. This is the town where I came of age, this is the town where I changed from an eyes-wide-open teenager into a twenty-two-year old who has rode the wave of the last four years like a rag doll taped to a surf board, but somehow mentioned to stay on board.
I once took a mission trip in Kentucky when I was 14-years-old, because I had nothing better to do that summer and my mom made me do it. As I saw the rolling landscape, I somehow knew that my path would collide with Kentucky in the future. It was one of the main reasons I decided to go to college here. I wanted to transfer and go to a college in North Carolina like my brother, but I gave that up for Casey. And I haven't been able to truly leave since.
In many ways, Bowling Green is a special place. It is the place where people from small towns come to get a somewhat dosage of the outside world that is different from the set atmosphere of the super-Protestant, white Southern towns that surround us. Sometimes the Bowling Green dosage can be too much, and the ones that can't take it move back to their homes. I've seen people struggle with their background to establish who they are as an individual. The ones that win that struggle seem so strong to me. The ones that don't win make me sad, because I wonder what it is like to live under the safety blanket of that which one is expected to accept. In the back of your mind, you'll always realize that it is truly just a safety blanket.
I've seen 15-year-olds who have done more drugs than the majority of people my age. We're the only place that sells alcohol in miles, which is a mark of ignorance and the corrupt politicians that utilize this ignorance to their benefit. Sometimes I wonder if Bowling Green represents a place of debauchery to the people in the towns, and I already know the answer.
I've changed from the boy who couldn't keep his hand from shaking, because he was so scared of all the new people the first day of class. I've dreamed of futures that have blown away with the wind, I've created a life that was shattered and left me to pick up the pieces of myself that were shattered in the process. I've had strong emotions, ranging from extreme happiness to the beginning of my panic attacks. I've made secrets, I've been hurt and hurt back. I've had my head so full of random thoughts that I've driven to other counties to drive past the trees and farms, hoping that they will clear my mind. I've had to appear before a judge, and got a record that has limited me ever since. Here, I have learned to use my writing and humor to soften the realities of the world.
I have found more artistic fuel in Bowling Green than in any other place. When I envision my time here, I see a dark humor full of quirky personalities, situations that seem like they can't be real, Southern accents, and the sobering aspect of life that is the real world that looms over all of our heads like a dark cloud.
I know sometimes we all feel trapped by Bowling Green. But has it really been a trap for me? I have experienced more and learned more about myself in Bowling Green than in any other place. I know I will be here for one more year and I am moving to a different apartment, and I find myself wondering "What the fuck will happen next?".

Good times and gas stations

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 18:38:25 GMT

I have taken my guilty pleasure of secretly enjoying gas stations to the next levels; I work at one, Speedway, a local favorite. A broke person will do desperate things, and they give me enough hours to save up money to pay off bills and such. I think I'm going to start a list of the crazy shirts that rednecks wear (for ex., the boy who was wearing a shirt that said "Redneck Fourplay" with a guy on a four wheeler and a Confederate flag. He bought the pink Camel 9s). I feel like I hold the keys to white trashdom and ghettoness -- rolling papers, cigarettes, beer, dip, uh ephedrine (which we keep a log of--- to see if some people are making meth with it).

I've made a few observations about the gas station crowd..

Speedway is where all forms of life come together. People from all different walks of like flood in... Internationals, rich, poor, illegal aliens, I think some extraterrestrials (real deal aliens), rednecks, scenesters, bikers, dominatraxes, vegans, Walmart employees, transexual Britney Spears impersonators, transexual Sara Herndon impersonators... You know, the regulars...

Fat people that come in and buy a shit ton of donuts are amusing, except when they come in 15 minutes before one closes and leave their yeti tracks all over the mopped floor.

As a gas station attendant, I know about the secret junk food you eat. You can't hide your ding dong from me!

I can understand all types of backwoods accents, but when someone came in from Rhode Island, I had no idea what they were saying. "What the hell? Is that German?". I didn't even really knew people from Rhode Island existed, to be honest.

Bosnians always bark commands at you. "Want Malboro reds! Gimme!". I'm going to assume something is lost in translation, before I type something something sarcastic and politically incorrect.

It's fun to tell people over the intercom, "Bowling Green is prepay only. Could you hang up the pump and prepay with the card, or come inside and prepay?" .. in different voices, I'm trying to perfect the sex phone operator voice.

I can handle white trash. I can handle ghetto. But I can't handle ghetto white trash, especially when it's a group of kids that just come in from the trailer park. "Ay stop hatin'. How much dis drink be?". Plus the fact that they learned to speak that way from stereotypical TV shows and music, and not environment, bothers me. Put your Dixie Outfitters shirt back on, and shut the fuck up.

Old people, Asians, and rednecks love the lottery.

I work with middle aged women that hate the majority of the customers more than I do. "WE DON'T SELL BEER ON SUNDAYS! RAH!", "HANG UP THE PUMP AND PREPAY!". So I can be kind of an asshole, and still seem nice. Score.

haha! just kidding!

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 17:37:48 GMT

You know that the last post was not written seriously, right? I love women, but I also love politically incorrect humor. Vice magazine.. And I got 1,000 questions about why I was just working for my birthday and not doing anything like everybody else. I won't have a birthday party unless everybody that could come three months ago could come without mean glares, underhanded comments, etc. And that would be impossible. So yes, after working 33 hours in three days, and having a happy gas station birthday, I did write that.

But I couldn't get by without all the half-neurotic women in my life, so I don't complain too much, except to make politically incorrect commentary and tell them to make grilled cheese sandwiches. And this is why I cannot become a celebrity. I would say shit because I thought it was funny, not because I meant it. And my only response could be "Just kidding!". So yeah, I was definitely just kidding, but I'm an asshole, so I'm not sorry about it.

and plus.. Do you know how many "men are dicks" speeches I have to hear (constantly.. constantly)? A "women are dicks" post in jest won't hurt anyone. Not all men are dicks, not all women are dicks -- people are people.

Attack of the Vagina People

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 17:20:10 GMT

The Attack of the Vagina People Once I had a teacher in high school who referred to the fairer sex as "estrogen people", but I think that might be copyrighted or something, so I am going to create a new term, "vagina people". Ever since I came out with the fact that I don't want their vaginas, vagina people have loved me. And I love vagina people, without the strong vagina people in my family, we would not be as well off. But sometimes, I am on vagina people overload. I work with vagina people, I hang out constantly with vagina people, I live with vagina people... Look at my top MySpace people.. vagina, vagina, vagina, ex roomate who lives in SC, vagina, vagina, brother-in-law... It may be as well be the "Ovarian Hall of Fame". I also take classes with them, vagina people love languages. When I went to Spain, I was the only non-vagina person (el viaje de las vaginas).

When asked if I was going to have a twenty second birthday party, I said, "Fuck no! Do you think all the vagina people get over the silly, inane reasons they dislike each other for one special night? There would be so much blood, it would be like a mass period!". Vagina people can't get over grudges, they're like Sicilians with vendettas. (Speaking about vendettas, ye ole faithful vagina person Assley took me out to the Villager, where they gave me a free dog bowl free of beer. I walked outside and noticed the store of the man who shorted my family on money nine years ago when my Grandma Bishop died. He lied about the worth of some 1800s guns, which were supposed to go to my brother, but my vagina-in-law didn't want want guns that could not be shot or used in the house, because VPs don't need logical reasoning. So anyways, I outright hurled all over that man's store, and I hoped it heated up in the morning, motherfucker.

OK back to sexist rant, I've had the key to solving all of Iraq's problems for a long time. Give all my vagina people friends and family some uniting factor to prevent them from killing each other (like "Saddam Hussein stole your tampons!!"), drop them in Victoria's Secret-made parachutes in Iraq and bam! war won!...

I feel like the vagina people aren't going to find this post amusing, but none of you make me grilled cheese sandwiches enough or do my laundry anymore. But how many times, have I said, "It's silly for you to think like that because logical reason, logical reason, and logical reason" and I get the response, "We're vagina people. We can't help it". And plus, I can always sell your used panties to perverts on eBay.

random adventures with Assley, chapter 1

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 19:51:39 GMT

Crazy shit follows me to Nashville, completely unrelated from other crazy shit. In the last four years, my life has never really settled into some normal, steady state, but uhhh at least it's interesting...

Everybody needs an Assley in their life (even though at some point she must be destroyed, the general populace agrees). Why? because Assley= random adventures. We decide to take the Natchez Trace, which is next to the wide metropolis of Bellevue (my hometown basically, an outskirt community of Nashville). The Trace is a very old, famous road that goes all the way to Missisippi. So we just take it, listen to music, and say "Oh that tree is pretty, oh cool.. Oh this bridge is scary, etc". We approach a sign that says "Leiper's Fork exit". Well, what and where the fuck is Leiper's Fork. We have to know! We pull into the downtown.. Umm, has anybody seen the Village? That movie where the people are living the Revolutionary War way of life, and then you find out at the end that people moved there to escape the pressures of modern day life. Well, Leiper's Fork is like that but think 30s old school dixie South. The police car looked straight out of Mayberry, no joke. The buildings were all nice, but way old school. We picked up the newspaper, and on the cover three women were proudly displaying their big straw hats with fake flowers on them. The people all looked pretty small town, except for the fact that they drove BMWs and shit. They have a community theatre, tons of meat and threes.. It was odd, but 250, 000 can get you 10 acres in Leiper's Fork. Plus they have "bob cat crossing" signs, a sign that said "YA'LL COME OVER TO MY GARAGE SALE!", and Assley thought she saw a buffalo (?) and a groundhog, but it is Assley, so the buffalo was probably an overgrown dog. Oh Assley, what happened to the immature moments of being 17, working at the theatre, and spray painting "CUNT" on the side of the theatre during break.

renewal through children

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 05:10:00 GMT

renewal through children

I've gone through the past three months not knowing what the fuck was going on with myself and everybody around me. After breaking up fights, avoiding getting punched in the crotch on a routine basis, almost breaking down, giving numerous rides on my back, and listening to stories about Spider-Man, I know I have found it again, or maybe found it in general. The director of Women's Studies said that the camp would be a healing process for me, and I had no clue how right she was.

and that's all I really have to say honestly.

uh. yeah.

Sun, 20 May 2007 20:17:33 GMT

I'm so bored I am thinking about hanging out with Emma. Emma's my guinea pig.

I want to go home to Nashville and hang out with Assley, then go to the Exit/In. I have 30 dollars in my account. So I ate ramen noodles instead. Adventures of a broke-ass near-22 year old in Bowling Green, KY.

Nick forgot to tell me that he wasn't going to be at his graduation, so I saw the entire graduating class with BAs graduate. John Carpenter got an honorary degree (random info: He went to Western, then started filming here and dropped out). Gary Ransdell read out the lyrics to Rod Stewart's "Forever Young" even the part where he goes, "for-for-for-for-ever young". Darius spanked Gary Ransdell when he got his diploma. I did get to see Tanner, Nichole, Kristina, Celia, Rebecca among others graduate. And I realized through the middle of the graduation that "cum laude" is not a last name.

Heather, Melissa, and I filled up four things of tupperware with food from Fresh Food and stuffed it in my backpack. We also stocked up on soy sauce, hot sauce, and mustard. Adventures of a broke-ass near-22 year old in Bowling Green, KY.

The National sounds amazing. I get to see them at Bonnaroo.

Thank everything for Netflix. "Pan's Labyrinth" is awesome. So is "Volver". I've been on a big Spanish-language movie kick. Pedro Almodovar, you rule my world.

camp plans

Thu, 10 May 2007 14:39:26 GMT

Sara and I are doing a camp for the Women's Studies Camp called Women and Kids Learning Together in June where we introduce disadvantaged kids to the arts and other beneficial things.. But I think I want to propose this alternate schedule.

7:00 AM Story-time with Caleb-O
Come listen to Caleb-O's true stories like, "My friends and I were really trashed one night, and there was some cop. So they were like, "I bet you won't say 'fuck da police'". SO I said "FUCK DA POLICE! FUCK DA POLICE! HA! FUCK DA POLICE!". Dude, and then they arrested me.

8:00 AM Animal time with a guinea pig (Emma), rats (Sara's), and turtles (Lyndsey's)
Whoever taps them and receives the most bite marks wins. "It's how they kiss you"

9:00 AM Blunt rolling demonstration with Morgan
accompanied by stories "Ok shut the fuck up and lemme tell you bout a little blunt named Chiefa da Reefa"

10:00 AM Recess
With an optional activity of beating the shit out of Jake Berghaus with bats

11:00 AM Sing-along to songs by the musical artist Peaches

12:00 PM Cooking lessons - How to make grilled cheese sandwiches for the counselors

1:00 - 3:00 Class field trip to WalMart
Take disposable cameras. Points to the child that finds the most mullets and fat girls in halter tops.

4:00 PM Self respect lessons by Tenisha and Kelly McKinney
"How to talk bad to a motherfucker" and Lesson 2: "Political incorrectness - Who the fuck cares?"

5:00 PM Dance party with volunteers from Tattletale's

6:00 PM Health: Find out which ADHD medicine is best for you
or you'll end up like this

7:00 PM Journaling with David Bishop
How to write smart-ass blogs about your friends

This will almost be as much fun as the time I told my niece Helena and nephew Xander to tell my sister "Girl quit trippin'. I'm a thug. Snoop Dogg!!!" when told to pick up their toys.

beautifully human

Wed, 02 May 2007 16:11:11 GMT

Damn! What a shit storm these past couple of weeks have been! But do you know what the good things about shit storms are? Waking up and realizing that it hasn't blown you over, and you're stronger for it.

In fact, I feel reinforced in my stance on life. I'm Southern and don't fit that WASP-model, I'm gay and refuse to conform to that media-proposed mainstream gay culture (trivial.. trivial...), I'm intelligent but won't let academics run my whole life, I'm not going to believe or like something just because I am supposed to, and I'm not going to live my life to anyone else's standards... I'm David Lindsay Bishop, beautifully human with my own shortcomings and strong points. I believe there is a goodness deep inside every person, although sometimes it is extremely masked. I believe that humor is necessary in life, to lighten the load. I believe in the power of karma and the cleansing power of truly forgiving someone. I can be a hypocrite, but everyone is to a certain extent. I can't run away from the bohemian legacy, because no matter what I wear or where I live, I am still a hippie (ugh I hate labels, but oh well)... You may think I am weird, you may think I'm pretentious, but honestly -- Who cares? At least, I won't reach the age of 50 and feel unfulfilled.

You can tear me apart and examine the parts of me for better or for worse, that's your agenda. Ways that I fall short.. ways that I piss you off.. That's cool.. Just don't expect me to truly care

Well as much as I see the goodness in every person, here is an example of hypocrisy
The business department are a bunch of douche bags! They don't give a fuck about the individual, just their corporate, synthetic world they want us to accept. Hey, we use deceptive marketing in the business world, and that's cool! Hey, I'm a douche bag professor that is going to make fun of Jessica's test with the department head in ear shot of the students. I hope you all choke on the ridiculous amount of money Western spends on you, and NOT on the arts.

motherfucker this is college suites

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 23:09:38 GMT

Sometimes I feel that my blogs depict me as a quirky, goofy person. And yes for the most part, this is true. But I go through life just as much as the next person. Life can be such a mess, especially this past week, but we always find ways to deal. I would rather point out the randomness and hilarious shit that happens than all the hard stuff. Humor is how I deal with life. And for that reason, a bar story...

Blair, Melissa, and I went to BrewCo for the 10-dollar all you can drink night. You would think that after we got in the wrong drunk bus and paying about ten bucks more in the past, we would be more careful about what vehicle we get on. We jump in the College Suites bus, thinking it is the Campus Pointe one (the apartment complex behind us), because we can just walk over to our apartment. It was so comfortable, all air conditioned and everything. I start yelling out, "CAMPUS POINNNNTEEEEE!!!! WHOOOO!!!!". As we pull into the apartment complex, the guy across from me says, "Motherfucker, this is College Suites". We try to walk out of the apartment complex, then realized we were fenced in. Swanky ass mofos. We got someone to pick us up, so fortunately we didn't have to sleep in some field.

Do you know what else is awesome?
how my eyes are two different sizes when I am drunk

love times three

getting so drunk that licking Jake's hairy breasts seems appealing

a pretty girl

and a no-nonsense humpin

computer lab schenanigans

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 18:21:59 GMT

In between classes, I somehow find myself in the computer lab, wasting time. One of the big perks is that I get to people watch in a subtle manner. Today this girl and her friends were having a personal crisis. Their friend is losing weight in an "unhealthy" manner on diet pills. It's not being nosey when someone broadcasts their voice over the whole lab. "I just can't take it anymore! I'm going to tell her, I'm going to confront her before it boils up!! blah blah blah wah wah wah THIS IS SUCH BS!! blah blah I'm so upset". The girl next to me that is in my class whispered, "Are you listening to them, too?". Fuck yes, I am! I am making anthropological observations.

What is "most awesomest" about the library is the horrible, god-awful, diarrhea-inducing music the student workers at the coffee shop play. The coffee shop used to play the best music like indie music mixed with Depeche Mode mixed with Erykah Badu. Music that you should play at a coffee shop. Now, we get to listen to such classic jams as TLC's "Waterfalls" and Mariah Carey's "Butterfly". Yes, popular culture has taken over Java City. I don't listen to the radio, but one RnB songs goes "I wanna freak youuuuu, cuz you so freakkkkkin freak-k-k-ky.. and FREAKIN TIGGGGHT!". Another one has a chorus of "I got my panties and my shirt on". What girl doesn't have their panties and shirt on? I'm wearing my boxer briefs and my shirt right now. Amazing. Dustin has a saying where he says "I would definitely shove (insert overrated singer) off a cliff". For example, I would definitely shove Beyonce off a cliff. Why are all my victims of cliff incidents broadcasted into my ears here? Popular culture exists in my life so I can make fun of it. Burpney Beers is cool though. She's bald, chunky, and smokes cigarettes (like Buddha), only, maybe Buddha didn't smoke.

And so ends my account of a sample of computer lab schenanigans. For real entertainment, one should go to MMTH computer lab's ghetto dance parties at night...
Or remember the time that the Asian foreign exchange student had a mental break down, slammed his keyboard down, and yelled "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!".
Quit your bitching and join the computer lab ghetto dance party. Don't you know computer labs are for talking really loud, blaring rap music and shakin' your ass.

no. zombies. you can't eat me.

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 23:53:50 GMT

My body alarm clock wakes me up at 7:30 AM to be at the office of Modern Languages at 8. So I wake up, get ready, and run out the door as usual. I was wondering why there wasn't any traffic. My car was the only one at the gravel lot and campus was DEAD. So I couldn't but get paranoid. This is just like 28 Days Later! Don't eat me, zombies! Yes, I kind of thought that zombies had eaten every one. kind of. I walked into the Fine Arts Center, there was no one there, the lights were dim. I ran out and flagged out some non-zombie looking dude. "Hey why isn't there anybody here?!?!".. "Dude... it's 7 AM".. Fuck you body alarm clock!! It's 7:30. Not 6:30. Plus, the thought of all of my friends getting turned into zombies is definitely creepy. They're already crazy, the last thing they need is to be undead, as well.

I had a fun weekend of doing practically nothing. Sara and I went to WalMart at 1 AM and I quizzed her with a Christian version of a teen magazine on "Are you a mean girl?" with such questions like "Do you feel more righteous than others in your youth group?". I also picked up some great advise about "taking goth kids home with me because my parents would be a positive influence on them and maybe, then, they wouldn't be so depressed". Ignorance shouldn't be funny, but 75% of the time it's fucking HILARIOUS. Like, how can you be that dumb? I mean blissfully ignorant, let's be PC here..

So the next day after reading the teen Bible, we went to a lesbian professor Easter bash. Honestly, the only reason I knew it was Easter because Peeps came out and there was a lesbian Easter bash to attend. Lesbians are amazing. They gave us all this nice alcohol and some good food. And guess what? Fall 2008 I am going back to Spain for graduate school. Oh fuck yeah. I'm coming back, Espana.

I am in love with this band called I'm From Barcelona. It reminds me of skipping down Barcelona streets with Nichole.
Dabeeeeed's DJ selection:
I'm From Barcelona - Let Me Introduce My Friends
Laura Veirs - Saltbreakers
The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Blonde Redhead- 23
Feist - The Reminder
Peter Bjorn and John - Writer's Block
pick indie bitch

stupid fucking survey

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 19:07:42 GMT

69 Questions to Start Spring.

1. Are you in a relationship?
I'm in a loving relationship with myself

2. If no, would you like to be?
Who gives a fuck?

3. How often do you visit MySpace?
Whenever I want to masturbate to Assley's pictures

4. What is your favorite candy bar?
Twix

5. What are your favorite shoes?
anything that I wear like Converse, Vans, Pumas..

6. Have you ever tripped going up the stairs?
uhhh yeah

7. Where did you go on vacation last summer?
I worked two jobs last summer, don't make me resentful

8. Would you bungee jump?
Yeah

9. Do you own a Fall Out Boy CD?
Ha! I spit on this survey for including that band

10. Do you like amusement parks?
Fuck amusement parks. They are overpriced. If I want to be around a bunch of rednecks, I can go to WalMart for free

11. do you ride rollercoasters?
Fuck rollercoasters.

12. What is your current favorite CD?
The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible

13. Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
nasty.

14. When was the last time you were in the ocean?
in Alicante, Spain last year

15. Do you like flowers?
Only if they have thorns so I can slap Assley in the face with it

16. Would you kiss someone of the same sex?
heh

17. What is the most embarrassing CD you own?
My musical taste is superior. Fuck this question

18. Are you sarcastic?
No. that's me being sarcastic

19. Is there anything you can't wait for this summer?
To see the white trash hotties wearing belly shirts in Speedway.. and boy, are they "belly" shirts

21. Socks and sandals?
Only if I was taking fashion tips from my brother

22. Who was the last person to go to the movies with you?
Assley

23. What's one thing you really hope to do this spring?
Finish up this semester! And find a second job

24. Do you like to go Mini-Golfing?
I enjoy it until somebody points out how much I suck, and then I want to break the putter on the ground and walk off.

25. Are you moving this spring?
to your mom's bed

26. Are you going to be starting a new job this spring?
I am perpetually starting new jobs

27. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yeah, someone's gotta lay down the law

28. Did you ever get poison ivy?
What is it like the cold? I don't think you just "get" poison ivy.. There was this one girl in a summer camp I was in that used poison ivy as toilet paper

29. you plan on going camping next summer?
Only if I can be naked the entire time

31. Favorite pizza topping?
pineapple

32. Pants or shorts?
Pants

34. Do you use Chopsticks?
maybe.. maybe not

35. What's the last movie you watched?
The Libertine

36. Are you currently fighting with anyone?
Emma and Assley, because they're hairy and they both bite

37. Are you too forgiving?
Well I haven't destroyed Assley yet, have I?

38. How many pets do you have?
1 (damn you Emma!!!)

39. Own any clothing from Hot Topic?
what the fuck? who cares

40. What's your favorite breakfast food?
granola and cigarettes

41. Where was the last place you drove?
school, dumbass

43. Where will you be in 24 hours?
back at school, dumbass

44. What did you do 3 nights ago?
I went to sleep because I wake up at 7 AM to go to work

45. Last time you went to a fancy restaurant?
I'm a college student.. Applebee's is as fancy as it gets

46. Last thing you bought?
your soul

47. Have you ever been in a foreign country, if so where?
Spain

48. Anywhere you want to go?
Latin America

49. What's Michigan?
Hmmm.. I don't know.. Well, could it be a state?

50. What have you done today?
took a test.. wrote answers to some stupid survey

52. Are you thinking of someone right now?
is that sexual?

53. Have you ever thrown something out of a moving car?
Hell yes. And I've thrown the finger out plenty of times, too

54. Do you eat salad?
Yes.. Assley tosses it first

55. Would you date someone who smoked cigarettes?
I haven't dated anyone who hasn't..

56. Are you happy with your life right now?
Yes.. By the looks of this survey, I seem like a bitter bastard. But I only am a bitter bastard when asked stupid inane questions.

57. What's the last thing you ate?
granola, bananas

58. Whats the next place you have to go?
Fuck you, survey, stop trying to take control of my life. It's none of your business

59. How many hours do you usually sleep per night?
read above

60. What's the next important date on your calendar?
read above

61. Who were the last 5 people to call you?
Your mom, your dad, your uncle, your dog, your pussy

62. McDonald's or Burger King?
Fuck both of those nasty, greasy places.. OK, McDonald's

63. Who last text messaged you?
White-trashley/Assley

64. Are you closer to your mother or father?
Hey, let's display my whole life on a survey.. not

65. Do you like to quote things?
Only Caleb-O

66. Are you afraid of the dark?
no

67. Do you exercise regularly?
I bound up the hill like a Greek god

68. What is the most expensive thing you ever bought?
this apartment rent

69. What should you be doing right now?
definitely not this

ADHD medicine rocks my world!

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 20:23:21 GMT

Has anybody seen the movie "Thumbsucker" besides Assley and I? This kid is having trouble in school, starts taking ADHD medicine and then is hot shit at everything. Well that's how I feel today.. I have to write to captivate my mood. So basically, I suck at my Marketing class. I find it boring and it interests as much as Star Jones in a bikini does. Usually during class, Liza is pinching me, pointing out something random, or we throw paper at Jessica Malleo. So to prove I was not a dumbass after two horrible exams, I was determined to do better. I took my old ADHD medicine (haven't taken it in a year) and felt AMAZING. I feel so focused and have so much energy to study and do just about anything. (I can conquer the world if I felt like it). I sat down for like three hours and absorbed the information. I went through note card after note card at a machine rate. For some reason, vertical management integration was soooo amazing. I studied that shit like it was the ultimate guide to my life. My professor saw me and gave me a look like "Wow.. He's serious this time". And I thought back, "That's right, motherfucker! I'm going to spank your test!".

Liza said, "You look really concentrated!". I spanked that test so hard the whole class heard it. When I left I thought happily to myself, "Hey! I wanna go get stuff done!".

Doesn't ADHD medicine have something crazy or another in it? Kurt Cobain once said that him and Courtney were both on it as kids, and that is probably why they are drug addicts now. I believe it, I have to be on some type of drug for marketing to appear that cool to me. I used to think I needed ADHD medicine to be more grounded and less spacy. I felt it made me like everyone else. But then I felt like it was making me into some type of zombie, I like being the way I am. And besides, do you know how hard it is for someone with ADHD to remember to take their meds anyway? We really are overmedicated. Shit, I could diagnose everyone with ADHD. Sara Herndon, you are ADHD, you can hardly sit through a movie. Umm, Lyndsey you are ADHD. Leslie- ADHD. . Lazy Nan - ADLD (attention deficit lazy disorder).. Emma - You will receive ADHD pills in your carrots. Heather and Melissa - ADHD. Assley - never mind...

I just wanted to capture this incredibly odd mood I will be in for test days from now on..

mi futuro

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 15:57:01 GMT

It's been a while since I updated, mainly because I've felt like there's been nothing to say, really. I just completed my degree program and realized that I am graduating in December. Isn't that crazy? After 8 years of Spanish, I have completed my hours for the major after this semester. I will be a Spanish major and a double minor in Latin American Studies and International Business with an emphasis in global studies. And I feel like that the world will be at my finger tips. I'm either going to join the Peace Corps or go join some sort of program in Latin America. I would like to teach English as a Second Language, and then I will decide whether I want to go to grad school for ESL or International Business. Business classes are like dragging my teeth out, I'm too much of a hippie at heart to fester in some office. I just feel as a Spanish major with an international focus, I shouldn't just stay in the United States. I've been blessed in my life with my family, and I owe services to the world that will give other people some chance. My main worry about the Peace Corps is that I'll come back and everybody will have moved on so much in their life without me. Will my nephews remember my face? The main thing I want to accomplish in my life is to live it by my standards and with positive energy.

Sometimes I feel that the shorter my money supply becomes, the more fuckers try to take it away from me. Fuckers as in Sprint and fuckers as in the state of Tennessee. Does it really need to cost 90 bucks to put a couple of stickers on your car? Hey, I have a good idea. Let's charge people 90 bucks to renew their car, and if they can't pay it, pull them over. What the fuck is that shit? And then, I was a dumbass and left my phone out to be rained in Dustin's topless jeep. They built it in a way so that we can't take it apart to air it out, so I'm going to have buy another phone. It's no so bad being young and poor, especially because I live in cheap KY. But at times, I wish I could actually afford something more than pasta and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Wow, that was me spilling out a part of me instead of talking about the potential horniness of Helen Mirren. What about putting it down into word cleanses a part of you?

Helen Mirren - older, hopefully hornier

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 21:02:39 GMT

This fat, bald guy (named uuhhh Burt) at the Deerhoof concert tried to start a fight because somebody took a cigarette from under his ear. For those of you who don't know, Deerhoof is an indie band fronted by a 5 foot Asian woman. Burt, this is not a DMX concert. Get with the atmosphere, dude. He yelled, "DO you know who I am?". Somebody at a Deerhoof concert! So don't start a fight. You read Pitchfork Media weekly, dude, not "Beating up Bitches 101".

Can I say that I love NetFlix? I have been seeing the trashiest Andy Warhol movies, foreign movies, and a bunch of indie movies that I've been wanting to see forever.

Alright, so I am one of those people that talks about celebrities like I know them. I think my favorite is Burpney Beers (previously known as Britney Spears). I like Burpney a lot better than Britney. She's a trainwreck, totally nuts, and she doesn't give a fuck about how trashy she is. And I love the Buddha image. I want to rub her bald head and belly. Burpney - stay in my life.

Dustin and I flipped through the Oscars, and I saw something that excited and disturbed me at the same time.. A bangable older woman.. A bangable older woman holding up an Oscar... If I was straight, I would definitely be into breasts and Helen Mirren is stackin'. On the scale of 1 to 10, how bad is that? But did you see Helen Mirren in a tight see-through dress? Helen Mirren is older and experienced. Do me please.

Karma and tea bags

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 16:49:32 GMT

Dear Big Cheese in the Sky--

I have attempted to not laugh at people these past two weeks.
1-- Skanky girl who fell on the ice -- I looked at her and said, "It's OK , everybody does it. Happens to everyone". She exclaimed, "I SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SCHOOL IN FUCKING CALIFORNIA!". I thought, damn, if I were to laugh at one person, it should have been her. Just for thinking this, I feel down the steps at Grise and was left with bruises on my arms. Everyone looked at me to see what the explosion was -- "Sorry folks, just falling down the stairs.. heh heh"..
2-- A girl in my Latin American Studies class asked, "Did the people in the Carribean already look black when the Spaniards arrive?". I did not laugh, and that was painstakingly hard. But my group members and I did make fun of the paper that talked about how the Aztecs were "mean" for sacrificing so many people. Well, shit, I thought it was a little nice of them.. So then Liza, Jessica and I all got Ds on our Marketing test.
3-- I did not laugh about the Spanish movies that Prof. Lenk dropped off in the office (one of them was about lesbian nun lovers). I actually thought it looked interesting, because secretly I want to be a lesbian nun lover. But then I broke down.. The Modern Language department head/my boss asked the office lady, "Can I have a tea bag? Actually, can I have two tea bags?".. Ahahahaha.. I'll give you a tea bag.. Come on now, karma, you have to admit that's funny...

Country drivin' and dancin'

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 20:42:35 GMT

Maybe it's my ADHD, but sometimes I just feel like I have to get up and do something. I can't still, I can't feel satisfied, until I get up and do something to settle myself. I decided I couldn't take much more of watching Cleopatra on AMC, so I got up and went driving. I somehow ended up in the country. There's something about the country that just mellows my mind. With my music, cigarette in hand, thing couldn't seem more perfect. One thing I really like about the country is that you can see the most interesting things. I saw turkeys the size of greyhounds, frozen lakes, and then really realized how beautiful the earth is again. That would be my one hang up about living in a huge city. I have to have some connection to the earth, or I'd go insane. Even in Segovia, I could go walking and exploring different areas. The biggest connection I had there was the river I lived next to, that I could just sit and watch. The one thing about my family is that no matter how hard we try, all of us have bohemian blood in our veins that we can never escape.

We braved the icy roads of Bowling Green to make it down to Nashville for the Girl Talk concert. Nanda happened to be down from Chicago, so we had a dance-dance good time. I could feel the sweat soaking onto my hoodie. It was pretty different from the CD, too, so it was like discovering new music all over again (Nirvana mashed to Lady Sovereign to Daft Punk.. how does it work?)... When we came out, Sara and I's hair was standing on edge... and then we ate cheeseburgers...

strap your roller skates on, girls

Thu, 15 Feb 2007 16:39:20 GMT

Emma got a Valentine's card from some other guinea pig that added her on MySpace and I didn't. I did get a text message from my brother that said "Happy lickalotapuss day".

On Saturday, I decided to go down to Nashville. I decided that instead of laying in my apartment doing nothing, I should actually go down and do something. Somehow, Jenipuh, Assley, and I ended up at a Rollergirl Derby. For the opening acts, I witnessed a shirtless hairy, fat man swinging irons from a chain attached to his nipples. Then, Jessica Rosenberg (who somehow shows up everywhere) won a trophy for throwing a dart on his back tattoo. The Rollergirls were fun.. They all had neat names like Murphy McNasty and Vag of Courage. My favorite was Hildabeast, who with one bump of her girth, sent lesser girls flying across the rink. It brought out an aggressive side in my mind, because I kept on thinking, "Get her! Get her! Don't take that! Chase her down and take her skates out from under her!". Unfortunately, my plan to throw Assley into the rink to be dog piled by Hildabeest and Murphy McNasty failed. They weren't as aggressive as I had wished.. So let's start a BG Rollergirls team, with me as your coach. I will train all you Amazonian women in the arts of dirty fighting and cunt punting.
Inductees include:
Amy Gross (Gross Grrrlll 666)
Sara Herndon (Siouxise KillU)
Heather McKinney (Satan's Mamaw)
Blair (Fire Weed)
Lynds Garrett (Burpney Beers)
Andi (Shoes)
Nichole (la Puta)
Mary Grace (Hornee Demon)
Whitney (Breasts of Steel)
Megan Jaggers (Megan Daggerz)
Leslie (the MakeUp Lady)
Courtenay (Amazon Woman)
Melissa, you can sell the shirts. Assley, you'd skate the wrong way, no invite to you.
Open invites to the WKU women's rugby team.

PLEASE buy this for me

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 16:56:46 GMT

ain't nothin to do for white trash like you

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 20:26:00 GMT

The white trash party thrown by the residents of 304 (my roomies and I) was a success. It got really trashy in there... Wife beaters, boots, moo-moos, flannel and plenty of hair spray was used in the process. By the end of the night, I looked like this.. And I have no idea what I was doing at the time, it was tagged to me on Facebook.

Dustin and I saw the Kristin Hersh in-store concert at Grimey's. She was incredibly good, with her "two packs a day" voice. I got to hear some of my favorite songs by her like "Gazebo Tree". It was a cool atmosphere, only like 25 people there. It's weird, because I've been listening to her and the Throwing Muses since high school, and I got to meet her. It was really akward for me, I've never got to talk to one of my favorite artists. But she was totally nice. I said "So Tanya came out with an album, too, didn't she?", and she talked a bit about her... FYI: Tanya Donnelly is Kristin Hersh's stepsister, a founding member of Throwing Muses and The Breeders, plus the lead singer of Belly.. Yeah, I totally know them now. For some weird reason, my eyes were all red, and they're already big and have dark lines under them. She's going to write a song about meeting her crazed drug addled fan in Nashville.

congrats Ani DiFranco

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 16:27:02 GMT

ANI’S BUNDLE OF JOY ARRIVES…

We’re happy to report that Ani gave birth to a 7 pound, 8 ounce little girl, Petah Lucia, at her Buffalo home early Saturday morning, January 20. Mother and baby are both healthy and happy. Welcome to the world, Petah!

Fig Newton-eating, folk music-listening 21-year-old

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 19:15:29 GMT

This whole waking up at 7:00 every morning to work in the Modern Languages office is killing me. Last night, I was so tired while I was in the bathroom, I passed out and my head slammed against the metal towel rack, making a dent in it. That's pretty funny, actually, now thinking about it. I miss the laid back lifestyle and the siestas in Spain.. It seems like they have more of a priority of keeping well rested over the hustle and bustle of everyday life. I don't turn 22 until this summer, but I listen to folk music, eat Fig Newtons, wheat bread, and Raisin Bran, and go to bed before everybody else to wake up for an "office job".

Between my hour and two hour breaks between work and school, I'm left with plenty of free time to do all my work and then some. Even my guinea pig has a MySpace (http://www.myspace.com/guineapigskickurass). Speaking of her, I switched to a food she likes a little too much and she's gotten fat, like South Beach fat.

I'm really stoked about the Kristin Hersh concert tonight. I don't care if I have to go alone, I'm going. I like everything she's been in (Throwing Muses, 50 Foot Wave). I'm excited to meet her, as well, since it's a Grimey's in-store concert. I want to buy the David Vandervelde CD while I'm there (thank everything above for indie record stores). I just got my Girl Talk tickets. Let's Dance..